Now seething, what I struggled to accept was that the all-important context was slipping out of sight, eluding them. It wasn't simply that the state had failed to support my "small undertaking". My very attempt to help was an irritation to them. 

"It constantly opposes itself to one's acting," wrote Alexis de Tocqueville of the state. "It does not destroy, it prevents things from being born; it does not tyrannise, it hinders, compromises, enervates, extinguishes, dazes." 

"The train is leaving," the female officer said. "Are you getting on it?"

"No!" I cried. "I was never getting on it!"

Beyond us the train pulled out.