Flagellation and flatulation.

That's right. It's all the same, really. Just different ways of saying we're buggered.

Ha ha ha.

It's not funny, Miranda. We've got a world economy here collapsing.

Has it? In fact?

I should think it has. Probably. I mean almost certainly. And do you realise what that actually means?

Does anyone?

Because I'll tell you who doesn't. Gordon Brown. He thinks it's all about swapping toys with Barack Obama's children...And then his wife goes trotting off to fashion week in the world's worst international credit crunch since the great depression.

She actually looked quite glam in some of those pics though. Did you see?

You don't seem to realise the world as we know it is...completely different now. We have a prime minister who simply doesn't understand basic economics.

We should be buying up lots of lovely gold. According to Charlie.

Right. And there's a sale on at Mulberry's while you're at it.

Seriously?

There's a fine line, you know, between being funny and being downright insensitive. I think you just crossed it, Miranda.