‘Why not televise a Plumbing Booker — recognising the rare tradesman who puts in shower stalls that don’t leak?’

‘Permitting cigarettes while cracking down on e-cigs is worse than barmy. It’s a violation of our civil rights’

'Whenever I buy something over the phone I am giving a total stranger the means to clean out my current account'

‘I imagined that my having written a novel about weight and food issues meant that I owed journalists the lowdown on my private diet and exercise habits. Wrong’