Every family has room for only one non-conformist, and in our family that place was reserved for my sister, who through her adolescence and college years–Ellie dropped out of five different colleges and ended up without a degree–drove our parents, but especially my father, crazy. I was the good kid: excellent at school, no trouble at home, the very model of a bright and obedient Jewish boy. I could do without my father's approval, I suppose, because I received all I needed in the classroom.

Because school was easy for me and I had expressed an interest in becoming a lawyer — I'm not sure I can tell you why — my father decided that he wanted to see me go to Harvard Law School, which eventually I did. "You must understand, Steven," he once told me, "the world is stupid, always judging a man not by his true quality, but by his family connections or wealth or where he went to school. Go to Harvard Law School, which is probably no better than any place else — God knows, some of the worst people in the country seem to have graduated from it — and I promise all sorts of doors will open up for you."

So I gave up playing on the baseball and track teams in high school, and concentrated on my studies with sufficient intensity to get into Harvard. Entry into Harvard Law, after my undergraduate years, when I also devoted myself to my studies, proved no difficulty.

If my father was pleased by my accomplishments, he failed to mention it. He was right, though, about Harvard Law School opening doors. I was on the Review there, graduated in the top tenth of my class, and was offered a job at the firm Sullivan & Cromwell, where I have remained all these years, specialising in estate planning; eight years ago, at the age of 36, I was made a partner.

My main point is that I always viewed my father as a bit–maybe more than a bit-of a cold fish. So the news that he was gay, which suggested that all the years of his marriage he was smouldering with a secret passion underneath his cool exterior, raised a good bit the voltage of my shock at Ellie's announcement.

I have no strong opinions about homosexuality. Although I knew a fair number of gay guys and a few lesbians at Harvard, I have never had a friend who was gay, nor even a gay acquaintance I saw with any regularity. I'm reasonably sure that no one at Sullivan & Cromwell is homosexual, partners or associates, male or female, at least as far as I can determine. But then, let's face it, I have no reason to be impressed with the efficiency of my gaydar, when I never had the least clue that my own father is gay.