Oh. Well. Jolly good.

I've decided we could all benefit from spending a bit more time in contemplation. Thinking about God, and how lucky we are...

So you've given up the smoothies?

You can laugh as much as you like, chum. But - as I'm fairly sure it says in the Bible, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single -

Oh my gosh. You've joined one of those trendy churches, haven't you? You're ridiculous! Ha, ha, ha!

I certainly have not! No. I just happen to think Christianity -

You promise you're not pulling my leg?

You see? That's how bad it's got! I only mention the word Christianity, and my bestfriend thinks I'm pulling her leg!

Hey, hey, hey - chillax, man. As the kids say...

No! I will certainly not "chillax".

Well, keep your hair on! I'm sorry to be sceptical but as it's the first time you've ever...

All the crap we have to learn about Id and Honiker. Haniker. Whatever. And Ramadan and Chinese New Year...The kids come back from school; they know about every religion under the sun, but what do they know about Christianity? Nothing! They think it's a joke!

Well, it is a bit. Isn't it?

How the hell do I know? The whole thing makes my blood curdle. So. No smoothies. No Wii. And lots of...Easter eggs. And I swear if my kids bring back another bloody poster about Hindu wedding rites, I'll kill someone. Whose country is this, anyway?