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“He was being loud, and this is a public place, and I asked him politely,” I replied. “It’s the way they speak,” he shouted back. For this man, a borderline dosser, it was obviously a race issue. He began regaling me with all his multiculturalist credentials, telling me I should live and let live, etc. That had nothing to do with it, I said, and then tried to ignore him. In the context of a suburban train journey, the altercation had a surreal quality. A few hours later he could doubtless be dismissed as a nuisance wino, but right now he was articulate enough to make his points clearly, torment me and make everyone else feel uneasy.

Again, there was not a word of support from anyone. I was left to stew in my own juice. It’s this which I suppose is the most disheartening thing. There is a section of our society that remains awfully polite about such issues and prefers to see such non-­reaction as part of a British desire not to make a fuss or cause embarrassment. They simply don’t get the fact that now it’s all about fear.

Is there anyone who, if they are completely honest, would dare ask a couple of young men to turn down the booming thuds of music that emanate from their car as it waits alongside theirs at the traffic lights? I have been in this situation a number of times over the past month, my car vibrating with close-range noise pollution, but have to confess that I have failed in my remit. And I’ve had political sanction: Boris Johnson, the London Mayor, said recently that the best approach if one came across certain sorts of antisocial behaviour was not to get involved.

Alongside this fear is the sense that the order of things has become so inverted that one will be on shaky ground if one does indeed speak up. Most people, I’ve found, register some degree of outrage at being asked to desist, no matter how politely you do it. You are the rude trouble­maker in their eyes. For some kind of order to be restored, back-up is crucial. Formal authority has more or less left the scene, so what we need is pressure of the good, old-fashioned social sort. Speak up.

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John Burke
September 25th, 2008
3:09 PM
Sadly, these outcomes are all too predictable, for reasons Patrick stated. Unfortunately, we all need to manage our expectations better before acting. When you look at the overall environment in the UK, and London especially, to me, it fosters unfriendly behaviour from the get-go. In the eight months I've been here (from Canada), I've seen just one person look up, make eye contact, and say "hello" when walking on a sidewalk and approaching a fellow pedestrian one-on-one. Just look at all the ghetto-like, metal roll down security doors that cover storefronts in even the so-called "nice" neighbourhoods and villages. Even spearhead-topped steel fences, no matter how ornate, send an unwelcoming, even confrontational message to passersby. Add a miserable, sunless climate, insanely high prices for everything and sardine-like public transport, and it's no wonder even smiles are extinct here, let alone civilized behaviour.

Delilah
September 24th, 2008
1:09 PM
Thatcher famously claimed that..'there is no such thing as society'. The parents of those teenage girls were born into that mindset and no doubt have passed their beliefs onto their daughters along with hair and eye colour. If there is no society, then the world revolves around the individual, so why should the girls refrain from indulging in their pleasure in order to make your life more bearable?

Cathryn
September 23rd, 2008
11:09 PM
I agree with Daniel's point regarding norms of politeness not being shared across cultures and that increasing mulitculturalisation leads to increasing societal rudeness. Unfortunately this lack of politeness leads to previously polite communities losing their consideration for others. If one is polite (for example in a motoring situation) and that politeness is not acknowledged or worse, the other motorist appears to regard you as stupid for being polite, you would not feel inclined to be polite in future. As rudeness thrives, so the general level of politeness in society falls to the lowest common value. Living in Birmingham I find this immensely sad as my culture and the values it held seem to be disappearing. It's brought into stark relief when I visit small (mainly single original culture) market towns where politeness survives, at least for now. The whole process is so depressing.

arkletten
September 22nd, 2008
10:09 PM
Morality is regarded negatively today. If you tell somebody off you are 'moralising' and 'interfering with their rights'. You are assuming a moral superiority to their moral inferiority, that is why they object. It's the whole idea of authority; you're pulling one over on them. There is no longer such a thing as public morality and there is no such thing as private morality either. The weird thing that gets me though, is that these same offenders appear to have very high standards of morality of our politicians. They will oppose the Iraq war, oppose perks to fat cats, etc., but they won't consider themselves bound by any form of morality. I call is the infantilism of the people.

Anonymous
September 13th, 2008
10:09 PM
why would you waste time writing any of this crap? so two girls have a loud phone. who gives a rats ass? they have their rights

Patrick
September 5th, 2008
9:09 PM
Your cause was lost from the start. Anyone in a public setting that is actively engaged in behavior that is clearly self-centered and generally annoying is never going to respond favorably to a civil request for consideration of others.

German Pareja
September 4th, 2008
11:09 PM
Here is an interesting approach from the place where I was born (I only lived there as a child): employing mimes as surrogate spokesmen for civility in public spaces. Academic turns city into a social experiment Mayor Mockus of Bogotá and his spectacularly applied theory By María Cristina Caballero http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2004/03.11/01-mockus.html Traffic calmer Bogotá style http://moblog.net/view/846521/traffic-calmer-bogota-style

wendy kellett
September 2nd, 2008
7:09 AM
Recently,I travelled from Westbury to Tiverton in the 'quiet' carriage. At least 2 mobile phones were in operation throughout the journey:no-one said anything and the guard ignored the offenders:(probably for his own safety). I fully agree with the first comment:this country is grossly overcrowded;we have reached a 'critical mass' in terms of population density,and are now exhibiting anomie and aggression. Our government is obsessed with growth and greed,so little chance of a change from the top.

ThomasR
August 31st, 2008
7:08 PM
Asking people to be polite has to be done in a polite way, otherwise I myself am adding more rudeness to the world. How is this to be achieved? I have to accept that the other person is a fellow human who probably isn't very aware of himself or his effect on our surroundings. When I ask him to be quieter or whatever, I have to do it in a way that acknowledges him rather than dismisses him. It's also true that if my own mental state is poor then I have a tendency to look for external causes. Thus I have to hold open the possibility that both of us may be acting unreasonably.

Daniel Wiles
August 28th, 2008
11:08 AM
A very interesting article. Sadly the traditional qualities of public life that prevailed a few decades ago (politeness, understatement, consideration) have been undermined by two factors. Firstly the dramatic influx of immigrants to this country who do not subscribe to the same values (you only have to visit Bombay, Lagos or Islamabad), and secondly the overcrowding of this country which has the infrastructure (particularly public transport)creaking at the seams. Five rats in a cage may get on fine - put fifty in the same cage and they'll be at each others' throats.

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