While we want to recognise and support a number of different relationships that people have, these must not be confused with marriage, which is a particular kind of relationship ordered to a particular end for certain purposes. It is a category confusion, if you like, to say: "We want to improve relationships between people whatever they might be, so therefore we should get them married." This would be absurd in many circumstances. The integrity of each relationship has to be recognised on its own terms and not in terms of something else. This is not the place to comment on the place of gay relationships; the church's teaching is clear about this. But if those in such relationships feel that they need legal protection, they should be able to have it without confusing such an arrangement with marriage. 

If there is to be a public doctrine of marriage, what would its practical implications be? The importance of preparation for marriage is often mentioned. Again, clergy have some experience of this. Most clergy engage in marriage preparation for couples whom they are going to marry. I cannot, hand on heart, say that it is always done very well but at least they have a shot at it, and we need to help them to have a better shot at it. There are now many resources available for this. 

What about civil marriage? The press delights in telling us that more and more people are now not getting married, or if they are getting married they are not doing so in church, but in register offices or one of those wonderful "New Age" locations. What preparation is there for such people? I was at such a marriage recently. An hour or so before the ceremony, the groom, who had already had a number of drinks to keep up his nerve, was having another. I said to him: "Do you really need to have this drink?" He said: "Oh yes I do, because in a few minutes I'm having my preparation with the officiant at the ceremony." What would be the effect of such preparation on a person who had already had more than his fair share of alcohol? This is simply unacceptable. We are heading for disaster and if Parliament can do nothing else it should encourage comprehensive marriage preparation for couples, whether it's in church, or in the ceremony of another faith, such as a nikah, the Muslim wedding contract, or on civil premises. 

What should be the content of this preparation? People will present it in different ways. There will be DVDs, manuals and all sorts of things like that. That's fine, but at the very least the preparation should enable the integration of the various kinds of motivation that lead people to marriage, particularly for men. It is important that the sexual instinct in men is integrated with their capacity for affection — men do have a capacity for affection, appearances notwithstanding — and also with the commitment to nurture. If these three elemental aspects of human nature get out of kilter then the marriage will be at risk from the very beginning. Augustine understood this. I look forward to hearing what women have to say on the subject.