You wouldn't have thought so, Tiff.

And frankly I would prefer it if the kids were taken to a — dread word — "church" (don't all scream at once!) before they were taken to a so-called "temple". But no! There are lots of super churches around here, so far as I can see. And I'd like to know why the kids haven't been taken on a coach trip to have a look at one of them.

What's wrong with Santa's grotto?

I actually took it upon myself to have a word with Timmy's teacher.

Golly! I'm not sure I would have dared.

I said to Timmy's teacher: "Look, I'm perfecty happy for Timmy to go to the mosque. I think it's fantastic to introduce the kids to diversity and all that sort of thing. As long as there's balance. Mosque-goers may believe one thing. But on the other hand..."

Absolutely!

Non-mosque-goers almost certainly believe another. And I want my kids to know about their own traditions. What we as British people actually believe in. Baby Jesus in a cosy crib and all that. And the little angel outfits.

Awwwwwwwww!

And rushing around, shopping for gifts!

God, I love Christmas!

And eating too much food and watching a lot of crap telly!

Super!

And wrapping things up!

And the kids running out of batteries!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire!