Oh, stop! I shall start crying in a minute.

Bread sauce...and marshmallows...and the crucifixion.

And Christmas songs! CHRIST, I LOVE ENGLAND!

So listen. I don't want to start a world war. I've said to Timmy's teacher, yes, Timmy can go to the mosque, or whatever it is. Frankly who cares?

It's a day out, isn't it?

But as you can imagine, the other  Mums and Dads are up in arms. They've all kicked up such a fuss — by which I mean (am I allowed to say this?) the...you know...the sort of Christiany ones — that finally, the school's agreed to be ever so sensitive. And the kids are coming back via one of the churches.

Perfect!

Which actually saves me the trip. When you think about it.

Job well done! Merry Xmas to you, Tiffany!