Are you drunk? Aside from the fact I think he's gay. Aside from that — I'm not being funny but I really actually do not fancy him. I know he's very talented with his plans A and B, and all that. And maybe if he agreed not to bring in a mansion tax I'd go down on him. As a sort of quid pro quo sort of thingy...

Ooh! What about Stamp Tax?

OMG, if he got rid of stamp tax, Dixie, I'd go down on him and some! One night only, mind! But yeah.

How about...What if he just got rid of the whole welfare state? Bunged all the spongers out on the street and told them to get on with it? What sex act might you be willing to partake in if he agreed to that?

...I think that might be going a bit far...

No but seriously.

Seriously, I don't fancy him.

Why not?

Well, for a start, there's the hat. As discussed.  Also, I'm pretty sure he's gay. Also he's got a Yorkshire accent, hasn't he?

I think you must be confused...No, that's — 

OMG! OMG OMFG! AARGH! I thought you were talking about the other guy. That little Yorkshire chappie, William Hague! But that's another one...Oh gosh, you probably think I'm a prize numb-nut now!

Not at all.