The Umbrellas of Cherbourg was supposed to be this month's light relief, your critic having soldiered through the war and the death penalty.

Surely the proficient Kneehigh Theatre could do no wrong with flirty French romance, flouncy frocks, a love affair, dogged fate, inconstancy and the Algerian war?

Well, they did. The unforgettable 1964 film with Catherine Deneuve has rien to fear from this overhyped, collapsed soufflé of a production at the Gielgud.

We Cherbourg aficionados know that the strength of the story is in its elevation of everyday life to the sublime when love strikes. The film duo could sing about spark plugs (and they do) and make it sound like poetry.  Here, Carly Bawden as Genevieve and Andrew Durand as Guy have so little chemistry they make every encounter sound like an MOT list.

You could feel cheery expectations in the theatre deflating as we charged on from one unfortunate rendition to the next. Here's one to éviter comme la peste.